im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
