It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
