Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize