Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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