Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
