mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
