For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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