Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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