I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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