Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
