I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
