The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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