"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
