Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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