Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize