It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
