dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
