so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I enjoy the company of your penis
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