fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
