she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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