Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
