so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
