so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
