I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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