The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
