I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
