Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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