His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
