we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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