I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
