Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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