Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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