What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
