ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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