You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
