wrigley field is MILF paradise
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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