if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
