matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
