I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
