I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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