I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
