Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
