im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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