Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
