Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
