New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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