I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
