In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
