im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
