On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
